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i've came back from the future to heap on your wretched soul.. :)

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hello there stranger, this is me..
my life, my choice, my freedom..
asswipes!! move away..
read, judge and tag..

its all about me
SMOOVIE
the-smoove operator
smoovie-nation
ain't no smoovie when she's gone
Bereavement
July 15, 2009 @ 10:26 PM
hmm..
this may be odd..
but i really need to blog today..

the past two days have been really a killer..
i mean personal training and diet have stepped up..
trainings are now more heart thumping..
the diet program is more stricter now..
i am only taking in just enough calories for me to survive the training...

i guess..
the quote "sweat till you drop"..
is kinda true for me right now..
i mean..
each time when i run..
i could feel as though death was near me..
an inch or two maybe..
irregular breathing patterns..
inconsistent heartbeat...

just moments ago..
at a major road junction..
on my way home from a killer workout..
i didn't know i was crossing the road..
till a kind samaritan pulled me away..
till now i am unsure what was into me..
daydreaming??
crossing a road without even looking out for the oncoming traffic..
if not..
someone else..
other than me..
would be blogging about me dying in a quite "tragic" way..
God...
WHAT WAS INTO ME...


am i going too hard on myself..
i am starting to focus for my upcoming competition already..
a major one..
SEA GAMES i should say..
but...
my physical and mental state is deteriorating..

i really crave to compete in the upcoming sea games..
i really aspire to perform up to my personal best for it..
so that..
even if i lose..
i would walk out the ring with my chin up..


FUCK...
i want this so much...
i want SEA GAMES to "happen" for me..
my urge..
desire...
is burning..


i am in a state of confusion..
agitation..
should i go easy on myself..


hmm...
i dare say this..
it all boils down to me..
it is my race...
it is me against myself..
it is me against my choice..
it is me against the world....


till then..

newagedazri...

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